wickedfrugal

I love this place. I don't spend nearly enough time here though. I get Brian's Philosopher's Notes emailed and they're one of the first things I look for in the morning when I sit down. They always inspire me and make me think. When I was recently rebuilding my the website for my henna business, I wanted to use thoughtful quotes about joy and this was the first place I looked. I 've gone through so much this year and it was hard to spend time here. it's always so positive and I wasn't ready to be there yet. Until I decided to rebuild, and slowly I read this or that and little by little I started to let a little more light in.

For awhile I've felt kind of lost. All of the things I thought I wanted from the world I neglected away or distracted myself from until it was too late to save. And I've been in mourning for awhile, wallowing really in my very piscean way. I couldn't find where I fit in the flow, couldn't feel where I belonged and was waiting for the universe to give me some kind of a clue which direction to head in with myself. Then suddenly, as it usually does, the current grabs me and fills me and makes me feel alive again. Everything starts to make sense again. And everything seems possible.

I've been trying to force myself to write in one of blogs I keep for my henna site for  almost a week now. Some days I didn't find the energy, but I really wanted to build a useful extension so I managed when I could. Things at home being chaotic doesn't help, but getting up at 4 when the whole house is alseep has made it seem easier to manage. Today I wrote one about finding design books which made me start thinking about what inexpensive things I might do to help keep from starving and help my business survive through the winter. And there it was, the current, the flow, it was amazing.  And as soon as I had that moment of security where the domain name was mine, I had to come here so I can remind myself later when it's all fuzzy. And the most fabulous thing is that the one thing that always stood in my way before isn't the obstacle anymore, it's the inspiration. Not having money is suddenly my gift. I'm glad to have it this way. It challenges me to create rather than consume. And somehow all of the other things I didn't allow myself to follow because I didn't have the money are possible too. It's like adding an extra dimension to my world and I see all of the things I did before, but now they're brighter, clearer, more full. It's just amazing!  I feel really blessed today!